And In Arcadia

Christmas and Pancakes

• By Jason Gibbs
• 3 January, 2014
• 1 Comment

Every year around this time people start to ask each other what they’re doing for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or New Years.  It is expected that we all make plans, the bigger the better, and it’s almost shameful not to have them.  This year when I’ve been asked what I’m doing for any of my holidays I’ve been giving my favorite one word answer, nothing.  Why am I doing nothing on my holiday? Because fuck it that’s why.

Understand, it’s not that I don’t love my family, or adore my friends.  They are all completely fucking fantastic.  But for many people holidays can become a political nightmare of competing expectations: everyone’s desire to please everyone else inevitably results in someone getting their feelings hurt, or someone getting extremely pissed off.  I’ll give an easy to predict example.  We’re waiting for something to happen, likely for my girlfriend to be ready to do something (she takes forever to do anything), Others are getting impatient, which means I have to push her, which means there’s conflict between she and I, I resent her for this, I secretly resent everyone else too because I’d really rather be at home with just the two of us. It’s fucking annoying. The phenomenon is so familiar it has, in recent years, become fodder for sitcoms.  Everyone starts out excited with the best of intentions, then there is some kind of fight, the whole thing falls apart, then people make up, they’re all grateful to be around each other, they all eat dinner the end.  Pretty much my every year of my life.

Well not this year.  What am I doing for Christmas?  Sleeping in.  When are we opening presents? Whenever the fuck we want.  What am I having for dinner?  Motherfucking pancakes!  And sausage, good sausage too, fucking bangers!  Fucking pancakes and bangers for dinner.

And I’m not going to have to worry about making small talk.  I hate small talk.  Truth is I’m barely interested in my own life let alone anyone else’s.  And the parts of my own life that I am interested in no other sane person would want to hear about. Talk about vacation? Boring! But by all means ask me about my middle management job.  It has in no way fulfilled the impossible task of being both completely boring and existentially threatening on a daily basis and I completely love talking about it!   Well fuck it, from now on I’m just going to lie belligerently.  What do I do for a living.  I punch monkeys in the face.  Why? For fucking science!

For now though I’m going to stick to my plan of doing nothing and eating pancakes with the woman I love.  And I hope you do the same.  Because Merry Christmas and Happy Fuck it to each and every one of us.